Read The Onion this week. Here are the Headlines:
*Tom Hanks This Week's Guest President
*Sept. 11 Could Not Have Been Prevented Without Accruing A Lot Of Overtime, By Condoleezza Rice
*IKEA Claims Another 10,000 Lifestyles
And the Scorpio horoscope:
Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
Some people would cut off their nose to spite their face, but you're not like that. You did it because you thought it would make you look like a wingless man-bat hybrid.